Monday, February 4, 2013
I thought life was so much better with you around. For the first time in many months i felt alive again. I knew you would come sooner or later. I didn't know i would meet you in such situation. I was waiting for you, to save me from the burning fire. True enough you did. I was secretly praying that we could maybe get married and live happily ever after. I bet i didn't tell you a lot of my things.
At that time, you were my savior. I was confused actually. I didn't know what to do. But you gave me a light shining through the darkness. It clears away my misery for once, this many months. I was so happy i told my mum, my best friends and everyone dear to me. I even broke my usual style by telling random people that i'm attached when they asked. These 2 years i've been living in my own world & i couldn't care more for anyone except for myself. I'm selfish like this but i want it the way it is, all because i was too afraid to be hurt. Until i met you...
The first few times weren't great times actually. I was questioning myself a lot. Am i prepared for this? Am i prepared to get hurt anytime? Am i "this" , am i "that"? What if you lied? What if its just a dream? What if "this" , what if "that" ? And then you came & told me, that everything is gonna be alright. To believe in us, to believe in this rln. Those times were happy times.
Never thought that one day, i'd be losing you. I thought we could give each other one more chance, to start all over again. Start afresh. Some friends told me to give up because its a waste of time, saying i could be much better than that. I hate to listen to friends' opinion sometimes, because it defeats the purposes of getting the right answer. I trust my instinct that i should do my best, even when i'm just a girl.
I did try to believe too. I did try to have more courage too. But i can't do this alone. You and I have to do it together. It's no use if only one party is making the effort. But these were said and all i got back were broken hearted messages. Don't say you try. Don't say I try too. Maybe we can ask ourself if we did try hard enough? Is this what you want? Then why start?
Long were those times forgotten. I miss them so much. For a person like me who is so afraid to be hurt, it really takes up a lot of courage to say all these. I know i'm a brave girl but sometimes crying helps a lot.
I don't want to live with regrets. I won't force anything too. To be honest, i'm just a very simple girl. All i wanted was everlasting love & sincerity. Is this too much to ask for?
I really remember every word that you said. Maybe i shouldn't have gone in too deep with this. It really hurts so bad now, its inexplicable. Maybe i forgot how heartache feels like. But i really didn't know it will hurt like this. All these replies hurt me. Is there really no chance for us. Do you feel the pain like i do?
I have learned that talks are cheap. I don't know what else to say, i have million things to say. Did you cry? For i did, every night.
Just let me get past through that midnight hours, maybe tomorrow would be easier. Don't be upset when someone decides to give you up. At least you've tried to salvage. He was the one who give us up so easily. You can leave with no regrets now. Please be brave and face your future. Tell yourself that you can do it.
Maybe two years later we will meet again. This time, at the right place, right time, right mindset. We'll all grow abit more mature. I still believe, though it really hurts. The thought of it hurts, the thought of how it started hurts, the thought of how it ended hurts.
You were the one who started it and also the one who left me with tears.
It's ok, it's fine. Everything is gonna be alright...