If you know, i've been going through my tough times lately. I wasn't sure if i could handle so much at one time. Just as i thought everything is gonna be alright, another wave will come - breaking my heart. It was to state that I cried days consecutively. It was my first time calling my dad while crying. I didn't know who to turn to except my parents. I thought they could enlighten me and hopefully say something that can ease my heart. My mum felt sad and angry at the same time. She was sad because I am sad. She was angry because I kept crying and couldn't be strong. Then she told me, "No more relationship for you forever. Don't date already ok?" haha, at the point of time, i didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I know she meant good because i'm the kind of person that can be strong in anything except for love. That's my weakness. I can never cry over something so badly except for love.
Yeah... It breaks my heart, so terribly. I can't stop crying- till my eyes went swollen, till my dark eye circle came out. To the extend when i opened my mouth and talk, tears will fall down without control. I looked terrible. I was almost at this edge thinking if i should turn and date girls instead. Oh gosh what a thought. I really think i am crazy. I can't seem to trust guys anymore. The change in them can be terrible. I didn't know who to trust anymore.
Days went passed. Weeks went passed. I thought I am fine. And then at this one point of time, i broke into tears again. I am sure you know how i feel - the taste of a broken heart. Who doesn't have it before? It is painful.
You will want to do crazy things for this person. Spam call. Spam text. Spam all the happy photos you guys used to take together. Check on the online status and wonder why you are online and yet not talking to me. Wonder why you didn't return my call. Wonder how i can make you love me again. And then you broke into tears again...
This morning, I read a conversation sent by my friend. It enlightened me. Click on the link here if you want to know. It is written in Chinese.
It says... Love grows from your heart. You may be deeply in love with a person, and it is this love that makes you think that he/she is your one and only. This love comes from your heart. If you love him/her deeply, you will cherish him/her the most. But when all things return to its own place, life carries on, and he/she is only one of the passer-bys in your life.
We are never certain if this person is gonna be the love of our life. If you don't know how to cherish your love one beside you right now, he/she will also become a passer-by one fine day too.
Finding the person you love and finding someone who loves you is not easy. If you are uncertain whether this person is the one you love the most, why not cherish this love first before it becomes too late? Tell yourself that you do love him/her and you will fall in love with this person naturally.
If this person that you love don't love you anymore, please remember that love grows from the heart. Perhaps you should stop putting him/her in the center of your attention. Try to widen your eyes and look further, you will realize that there are a lot of candles (referring to guys/ladies) around you.
To love or not to love is at a moment of thought.
Things that have happened are the past. Love that has happened is the past. Let them go. Those are just a part of our life. They are merely a droplet in the entire ocean. They are merely a dust in the entire Earth. Without those past, you will never become who you are today.
Cherish what is in front of you. It is far better than being half-hearted (三心二意).
So my life carries on. You become a passer-by. The pain you gave me is a lesson learned and makes me who I am today. If we are meant to be, you will come back. We will let it fall into its own place naturally. Reading my past post on A Post Dedicated to the HeartBroken People , you are the end of a chapter in my life. I will take a rest, and then continue writing my next chapter without you. Maybe i would be writing something more exciting this time round. Let the memories be forever locked in the safe box. To give and forgive is also a form of happiness. I have done my best trying and hanging on. Now, let nature takes its course.
Let me find peace and hope again.
God Bless. xx
And this is still one of my favourite song :)