Sunday, November 18, 2018

Need Alone Time

Hello beautiful ones! I can't believe we are already in Mid-November! (Hearing Christmas bells ringing). Who is excited for Christmas and long holidays? Well... definitely me for sure. Ever since I started working, it took me a while to realise that, damn, i'm really into adulthood now. Am i enjoying my adulthood? Honestly.... nope.... I miss school frequently. I miss the carefree life style, the 'i don't care if i finish my hmk, my lecturer can't do anything about it' mentality, stay home movie days, experimenting new cooking dishes etc.... The only thing i didn't like about those carefree days is - I'M NOT PAID. Right now, i have a job in a lovely industry earning very reasonable pay check. I can basically spend on good meals, good clothes and take a lot of Grab rides without really looking at the bank account. I could afford my first branded bag - Celine, and a second branded bag - Prada, both bought in Paris few months ago. But as i get paid in a job, i'm losing something... I'm losing my time.

What does that even mean? I mean my very own time. My personal time. I spend most of my time working. It's like 9-6 job. I wake up at 7.20am, start preparing for work, 1hour transport journey to office, finish work at 6 but most of the time i really only get my ass up at 6.20-ish clearing last min stuff. By the time i reach home, it's about 7.30pm. I take a shower, have my dinner and its already close to 9pm. I go to bed at about 11 every day. So I literally only have 2 precious hours to myself on weekdays.

On a weekend, i spend my time with my boyfriend, or with my family, or with friends. Everyday on a general basis, i only have that 3 hours for myself. Do you know how much i cherish my alone time? A lot :( . i love spending alone time... watching movies and shows. Gardening... cooking... Oh yeah nowadays i barely cook. I just don't have that motivation. When you cook, u need buy ingredients and u spend time washing dishes after cooking. And all i want to do during this alone time is really just to sit down and watch my shows quietly. I feel like myself again when i do that. My thoughts are quiet. I need not entertain anybody. I am just..... me....

A lot has been going on lately in my life. I consistently ask myself, is this what i want? what do i really want? how can i get there? To be honest, i'm ... lost. Where has all my positive energy go?! Well... i need to find back me. i need time. Lots of alone time.

So yes, this is a short post about what is up with my weird thoughts recently. Till i come back me.... ciao~!