Saturday, March 9, 2013

Reflection Time

Warning: One kind-of-a-long-ass post.

Yesterday, I went for SIM's open house. I was brainstorming which course i wanna take up. I had a tough decision to make between Banking & Finance and Business. All along taking a degree in business was what i wanted. But as weeks pass by, i feel that business is too general. Perhaps banking & finance is more useful. It can also aid me on investment management. haha. Besides, UOL's banking & finance degree allows me to take up units related to Business too! Talking about UOL, it is a school that has a system similar to JC. The exam is a 100% paper. So there are no projects, no assignments. It is very much different from Poly. The thing is... After doing many projects, reports and assignments in my poly days, i feel that i want a break from it. So when i see that UOL offers 100% grading system, that became my first choice. The irony is this. I saw my secondary school friend during the open house. She told me that she has applied for University of Buffalo, a school that has projects and etc. And she told me that when she was saw UOL's study system, she immediately opt that out because she doesn't want the JC system anymore. She (comes from JC) rather goes for projects and assignments than having a 100% paper whereas i (comes from Poly) rather go for 100% paper instead of projects and assignments.

That's the thing about human! We spent a period of time doing a certain thing. In this period of time, we realise we either like it or we don't like it. Or we realise that we are tired of it or we can continue doing it. At the end of this period, most people choose to select the other option that they have not selected initially. So for example, i choose poly because i wanted to do projects and assignments. I don't like the 100% paper because i have already done it during my secondary school days. I need a break from it. But during my poly days, i realise that projects are tough actually! Meeting group members and doing a project together needs team work and good communication with one another. I rather study and do it myself while i was in poly. So when i finished Poly, its time to select a path for University. A system whereby I continue doing projects (which i've been doing for 3 years and thus would be easy job) or back to the days where I was in Secondary School. And i chose not to do projects anymore :) . Is it a stupid choice? Shouldn't i be doing what i've been doing all these years rather than doing something which i've stopped doing for quite a while?

But seriously, doing project is easy. The difficult part is coordinating with your team members and producing a good piece of work. We gotta stay back and discuss. We all have different schedules. Some of us are lazy and some of us like to hand up assignments late. So maybe i should just go for UOL instead of other universities. I study at my own time own target. I fail or pass is my own business. And if i pass my bridging course, i would only need to study Uni for 2 years! That is provided if I did not fail any units. And i've already got a plan for that. haha.

So.... when i wanted to apply it online in the school, i realized that i don't have my O level certificate with me. I mean i don't even have it at home. I thought i misplaced it. In addition, i don't keep records of my poly result slips too! I was like "Oh Shit"...

So i went back to my poly and printed my result slips before heading to my secondary school. It was good going back to Ngee Ann. Although it was only 2 weeks ago when i last went there, the feeling was different. I started to remember how i first started poly. I remember what i wore during the first few weeks of poly. I remember who i talked to. And as i walked further in the school, it feels like a timeline that i've been walking through.

The timeline starts when i stepped into the school. The timeline continues as i walked to my destination. Pictures of memories that had happened during my poly days flashed through my mind.

And I realized how fast these 3 years fly.

My next stop was my Secondary School.

I took the bus, I listened to my music. I read my book and I fell asleep for awhile.

My heart started beating a little faster as I near the bus stop where i always have alighted during my secondary school days.

Gosh... I realized that i have not been at this bus stop for 3 years!

As I alighted, I felt a sense of anticipation and excitement. I wanted to reminiscence the days when i was 16. So i walked to the school, at the same route where i always go.

Again, the timeline appeared.

I remember my best friend. I remember those guys who once had a crush on me *blushing abit now. lol.* I remember the puppy love. I remember my hardworking period during Olvl. I remember the coffee shop that i always go to when i had my CCA. I also remember my ah lian period in secondary two and three.

But the thing that hit me the most was realizing how much these 3 years have changed me. It feels sad. It feels unfair, tough, challenging, weird, out of my expectation. It was too fast. From 16 to a 19 going 20. I'm hitting the big number 2 in a week's time.

I couldn't help but felt a little emotional when i left the school.

It was a reflection to me.

I saw my little juniors in the school, i wonder how their life would turn out when they reach my age. Would it be like mine?

I miss the days when i wore my uniform. I miss the science and math classes. I miss the experiments i had in class. I miss throwing wet tissue up to the ceiling and got it stuck at the toilet. I miss getting detention from my discipline master because of bad grooming. I miss studying hard for olvl. I miss how i used to tell my classmates how i will score well for my olvl. I miss my friends consulting me math and chinese questions. I miss a lot of things :) .

As i've always said, the best period of my life was that 3 months of hard work i had before my olvl started. Also, seeing how my hard work has paid off when i got my result (although i was aiming for straight As, i got 5As in the end.) 

I still remember how my form teacher praised me one day after school at the canteen. He said he feels really proud of me that i've changed from a "ah lian" to a self-motivating and hardworking girl. The most impactful sentence was this:

"I see u as my role model" 


Well, enough of reminiscences. As I boarded the bus back home, the usual bus stop that i always go to after school ends, my logical brain took over my emotional heart.

Those were the days that could never come back. Whether the things were bad or good, they were lessons learned. What's left are memories. Having these memories remind and guide me to what i really want to become in the future. All that i can do now is to live for the future and keep all the bittersweet memories safe in a locker in my heart. Thanks to all the good and bad people who have appeared in my life. I'm ready to take my future and its all in my hands now.

The saying goes, "Never look back, cause you never know that a miracle might be awaiting for you." :)

Actually, I said this myself. haha.

Alright, have a wonderful Saturday beautiful people!

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