Sunday, November 18, 2018

Need Alone Time

Hello beautiful ones! I can't believe we are already in Mid-November! (Hearing Christmas bells ringing). Who is excited for Christmas and long holidays? Well... definitely me for sure. Ever since I started working, it took me a while to realise that, damn, i'm really into adulthood now. Am i enjoying my adulthood? Honestly.... nope.... I miss school frequently. I miss the carefree life style, the 'i don't care if i finish my hmk, my lecturer can't do anything about it' mentality, stay home movie days, experimenting new cooking dishes etc.... The only thing i didn't like about those carefree days is - I'M NOT PAID. Right now, i have a job in a lovely industry earning very reasonable pay check. I can basically spend on good meals, good clothes and take a lot of Grab rides without really looking at the bank account. I could afford my first branded bag - Celine, and a second branded bag - Prada, both bought in Paris few months ago. But as i get paid in a job, i'm losing something... I'm losing my time.

What does that even mean? I mean my very own time. My personal time. I spend most of my time working. It's like 9-6 job. I wake up at 7.20am, start preparing for work, 1hour transport journey to office, finish work at 6 but most of the time i really only get my ass up at 6.20-ish clearing last min stuff. By the time i reach home, it's about 7.30pm. I take a shower, have my dinner and its already close to 9pm. I go to bed at about 11 every day. So I literally only have 2 precious hours to myself on weekdays.

On a weekend, i spend my time with my boyfriend, or with my family, or with friends. Everyday on a general basis, i only have that 3 hours for myself. Do you know how much i cherish my alone time? A lot :( . i love spending alone time... watching movies and shows. Gardening... cooking... Oh yeah nowadays i barely cook. I just don't have that motivation. When you cook, u need buy ingredients and u spend time washing dishes after cooking. And all i want to do during this alone time is really just to sit down and watch my shows quietly. I feel like myself again when i do that. My thoughts are quiet. I need not entertain anybody. I am just..... me....

A lot has been going on lately in my life. I consistently ask myself, is this what i want? what do i really want? how can i get there? To be honest, i'm ... lost. Where has all my positive energy go?! Well... i need to find back me. i need time. Lots of alone time.

So yes, this is a short post about what is up with my weird thoughts recently. Till i come back me.... ciao~!


2 comments:

  1. Hi, I don't know whether you still check this post but anyway, found your study journey post... wish I found it 2 years ago lol I'm a y2 in business management and finals are starting soon... my brain hates me because I can't memorise and I feel so helpless because y2 means failing 2 equals to repeating a year since you can only retake 1 in the final year sighs :-( and there's the thing with money too, idk why I'm writing this actually I guess I just felt like talking after reading your post in the middle of *trying to* studying lol. Somehow many people around me have been passing away this year so I've been attending funerals, having to help out and tending to sad people, has put me a lot behind my initial revision schedule. I wanna cry because I know it won't be an excuse to my parents, (they're the stereotypical asian parents haha) I actually wasted a year before and I didn't know what to do with my life so I just enrolled in a general course, now I feel so lost about my future because my degree doesn't seem like it'll help in prospects and discouraged because I may fail... to top it all of, I wanted to get As this year but it seems like I'd either have to sacrifice acing the subjects I can ace to barely pass everything and not repeat, or focus on certain subjects and repeat. Idk, imagine getting all Bcs and Cs, I wonder how they'll grade my degree lol. And I suppose grades matter more than finishing in 3 years to future interviewers? Finishing in 3 years and having a lousy transcript vs 4 years, less money and time and slightly better grades- does it make a difference out there?

    okay but being whiny aside, I just want to say that you seem like a really diligent and brilliant girl, and your posts are amazing (I read through some more haha) and give hope to all of us :'-) whatever tough times you're going through now, I'm sure you'll pull through it! I'm glad you still seem healthy even though you don't write much anymore. Thank you for your writing, and for the you that you are~

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    1. Wow! I'm sorry i didn't get to see your comment earlier. >< . Alot has been going on in your life as well and i hope its all better now? Thank you for your kind words, I'm still surviving! Let's all hang in there and be positive!

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